November 2nd, 2015
I’ve kept a regular journal since the age of 12. I started writing to express myself (as opposed to writing for school) much earlier – my earliest recollection is 5. There are fragments of that early writing, notes, calendars, diaries somewhere. There is a box missing for sure from that period. While I will always run after what I’ve lost, I need to remind myself that I have enough right here with me to mine.
October 20th, 2015
Amy Schumer’s joke about Ferguson during her recent HBO Comedy Special was insensitive and in poor taste. Bill Keveney, staff writer for USA Today included it in his piece about the 5 most printable jokes from her set:
September 15th, 2015
Today is my mother’s birthday. She would have been 68.
She was 25 when she got married, 26 when she had me and 28 when she died. When I was 28, I’d just made a radical turn away from medicine, was a year into my first job, met my now husband on a drunken dance floor at 3 AM, and was laying down the tracks for a future as an entrepreneur. It was the beginning of my life as I know it.
Marina Dolores D’sa, born exactly a month after India’s independence in 1947, loved to read. She would read, sitting remarkably still for hours, my grandfather told me.
She was an activist with The Grail, an international women’s movement founded in the Netherlands in 1921 “committed to spiritual search, social transformation, ecological sustainability and the release of women’s creative energy throughout the world.” My oldest doll is from the Netherlands. Astonishingly blond with marbled blue eyes and eyelids that close with an exciting click when you tilt her over. I was told it was from a Dutch lady friend of my mother’s. I never made the connection.
She didn’t wear makeup. Her sister-in law forced her to wear a touch of lipstick minutes before she walked down the aisle. She told her, walk slowly. My mother raced and arrived at the altar ahead of what the music was paced for.
She sang California Dreaming on All India Radio. I’d actually move to California from New York in 2000 and feel at home instantly. Many years later, on a visit to Mangalore, where she was born, I’d see the palm trees and the warm coastline and think, of course, it’s Los Angeles.
She loved Joan Baez.
When she spoke in public, she was surprisingly comfortable and articulate. It seemed to come out of nowhere, my grandmother noted, I suspect because of a certain reserve in her private life.
She was searching for something larger than herself. From her letters to her best friend, I recognize a restlessness, an indecision that springs from the irreconcilable differences between principles and practicality.
She was accepted at Cornell but never attended. The college within Cornell was called Home Economics then. I graduated from the college of Human Ecology, its modern day incarnation.
I don’t attribute much of myself to my mother. It would be aspirational at best, guesswork at worst. But for some reason I sense we shared an almost personal degree of indignation about social injustice, a vexing tendency to vacillate fueled by a love-hate relationship with over-thinking, an attraction to the romantic, in people, in ideas, in places, a desire to document the times and the community we live in in the hopes of playing a small part in shaping history.
It’s a tall order to fulfill when life ends at 28 but the fact is her legacy continues in the lives of the women she helped through The Grail, in the memories of those who loved and admired her, in the work of her daughter and in the nature and destiny of her grandson, who I’m certain has the shape of her eyes. Not the eyelids. The round of the brown part of her eyes. I can’t link it to anyone else living.
July 25th, 2015
Nina Simone, Sandra Bland And…
Young, gifted and black
I’m none of those things but Sandra was
Nina was, Nina’s daughter who Nina beat was.
Nina had big lips. The kind you picture
puffed up after a fist to the mouth.
A mouth is where words come out of.
The mouth is what holds a cigarette
she refuses to put out.
Jeff tells me to relieve tension in this technique called rolfing, they
put a finger in your mouth and press on
your jaw hard from the inside.
You only need to do this once in your life.
In the hot, cracked seconds
when the color wheel lands exactly on the right spot
on the blend of blood and blue, her mouth
the surge can’t contain his dumb instruments
you can step on the pipes that
transmit sound through the mouth.
anything to stop the sound a mouth makes.
To be young, gifted and black
glisten like flattened tar at noon
at night in a small room
where a mother holds her child against her chest
on a revolving black disc with dust
on a screen, royal, behind glass
Alabama’s gotten me so upset
Tennessee made me lose my rest
in the dark of wonder
in the dark of forget
- Indu Subaiya
Los Feliz, July 25, 2015
November 23rd, 2014
June 4th, 2014
I just found this in my drafts, written probably on March 9th or 10th 2012. San Miguel de Allende is the most elegant usher across the threshold into 40. A place to experience beauty in all its forms – in the mingling of people from all walks of life, at all hours in the public square, to the glow of many cathedral domes and spires across the horizon, to the cuban band waiting for the church bells to stop ringing before resuming their number, to multiple mariachi bands singing away, not bothering they are one on top of each other.
June 4th, 2014
I’m back on Indusubaiya.com. 2013 was a hard year but a transformative year. And now we’re in 2014 and the climate is calmer. I hope I write about all the things I love: Writing itself, film, Health 2.0, the brain, India, Los Angeles, my family, product design, and self-reliance.
January 1st, 2013
December 31st, 2011